What is Narcissism Really? Separating Myth from Psychological Reality

As you scroll through the news or social media I’m sure you’ve seen the word ‘Narcissism’ come up pretty frequently. Whether it’s referring to someone’s ex partner, to a politician, or a parent, the majority of us have been exposed to people speaking about someone in their lives as a narcissist. 

However, a lot of people get it wrong. 

Narcissism is the buzzword that is continually being thrown around, often used to describe anyone who seems self-absorbed, arrogant, selfish, or overly confident. But what does narcissism really mean from a psychological perspective? 

In this post, we’ll separate fact from fiction, we’ll debunk common myths and clarify the clinical diagnostic criteria of narcissism. We’ll also explore the difference between having narcissistic traits and meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), helping to paint a clearer picture of this often-misunderstood concept.

5 Common Myths About Narcissism

1. It’s diagnosed frequently: 

It’s assumed that Narcissism Personality Disorder (NPD) runs rampant, especially in an individualistic society like our own. However, according to research data, it’s actually diagnosed in about .5% - 5% of the US population. Narcissistic traits may be common, but qualifying for an actual diagnosis is more rare.

2. Narcissists are extroverted: 

Many people assume that narcissists are the life of the party when in reality they often use tactics in a much more passive-aggressive, introverted way. 

3. They’re overly confident: 

Narcissists can exhibit overly confident traits, however, their confidence is often very fragile. They often avoid criticism or can’t handle it well, and they experience shame beneath the surface. 

4. Narcissists aren’t empathetic: 

Although narcissists struggle with empathy, they can still experience it. This is especially true when being empathetic can benefit them in some way. 

5. They are easy to spot: 

Narcissists can often subtly manipulate and control people around them while still appearing charismatic, charming, and likeable. They don’t always engage in abusive behaviors, although some do, and they aren’t always participating in grandiose or arrogant behaviors. 

Diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder 

In order to make diagnoses, clinicians will refer to the ​​American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., text rev.). This manual lays out the criteria that will have to be met in order to ‘qualify’ for the diagnosis. 

According to the DSM-5-TR the individual must show a “pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.”

It also states that people have to meet at least 5 other items: 

1. Exaggerated sense of self-importance- for example, expecting to be recognized as superior 

2. Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, ideal love, and beauty

3. Believes they’re special and unique and only can be understood or can only associate with high-status people

4. Needs excessive admiration

5. Feels entitled- for example, they deserve favorable treatment or people should automatically comply with their requests 

6. Interpersonally exploitative- they take advantage of those around them

7. Lack empathy- they’re not willing to recognize or identity with the feelings of others around them 

8. Envious of others or thinks others are envious of them

9. Is arrogant or haughty- they look down on others, and think they’re better than others

Distinguishing Between Narcissistic Traits and NPD

A lot of people have narcissistic traits. Sometimes someone can seem vain, or they manipulate people to get what they want. This is why it can be so difficult to diagnose someone with NPD. Let’s explore some different scenarios to help distinguish between traits and the actual disorder. 

1. Impact on relationships: 

People with narcissistic traits can still maintain healthy relationships. They may be self-centered or want more admiration, but they can still empathize with people and maintain a relationship. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) struggle to keep relationships because they lack the desire to empathize with their loved ones. They have toxic and manipulative dynamics with those around them. 

2. Emotional Regulation

People with narcissistic traits may be easily frustrated or irritated when their desire for admiration or attention aren’t met, but they can normally regulate their emotions. However, individuals with NPD often have extreme emotional reactions like rage, humiliation, or depression which are out of proportion to the situation. These extreme emotional reactions can be used to manipulate people or the situation even more. 

3. Sense of Entitlement

Those with narcissistic traits may feel the need for special treatment at times, but they usually don’t try to manipulate those around them all the time or the desire for special treatment comes in waves. Whereas those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder believe they deserve special treatment, admiration, and recognition, regardless of their actions or circumstances. They may go to great lengths to ensure they receive this treatment. They may be extra charming, manipulate others, play the victim, and use guilt and shame to achieve this. 

It’s exciting that people are becoming more aware of negative traits around them or within themselves, but we want to be careful when throwing around buzzwords so that we’re not labeling others in ways that don’t accurately reflect the criteria. We always want to try to understand those around us, however, we never want to diagnose them. 

If you want to learn more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder here are some resources: 

1. Psychology Today

2. DoctorRamani’s YouTube channel

3. Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi’s Podcast - The Narcissist in Your Life